Frustration is often defined as unmet expectations. A pretty practical definition, I think. For my personality, it’s definitely an accurate definition. Whether it’s my children, my colleagues, my family or myself, I get very frustrated when I expect something to work out and it doesn’t.  My children will never forget the multitude of plans and schedules that I have produced believing that those tools will be the answers to elminating my frustration. Well, it has taken me more years than I care to admit to come to the realization that my expectations cause more frustration than anything or anyone else.

When Ally was in high school, around the end of her sophomore year, she developed this habit of writing down quotations that inspired her onto notecards and sticking the notecards on memo boards all around her bedroom. I would occasionally tour her room (when I could wade throught the piles of clothing and books) and read her current finds. Most often she gave credit for the quotations on the card and many incredible names appeared over the years, from great authors to theologians, to missionaries. One day I noticed a quotation without any name credited. It read something like "The goal is not perfection, but it’s the striving that counts."  I don’t even remember it verbatim, but at the time, I thought it held some wisdom. Ally wasn’t home at that moment, but I carried those words with me for a week or so, thinking about my own challenges as an overachiever. I had always been an overachiever, even as a young child. My goal was to please my parents and "A"s did it most of the time. My mother also loved to see me receive awards and appear in the newspaper, although she never really had to push me. I was born striving to please, I believe. Nevertheless, a week or so after seeing the quotation, I asked Ally one day where she had found it, and to my total astonishment, she responded with a chuckle, "Mom, you said that to me."

Major epiphany moment there! I don’t know which surprised me more, that those words came out of my mouth or that Ally heard them! I am still often surprised at the importance that my children place on my words (now, that’s another whole blog topic in itself). I do have a great deal of respect for my daughter. I believe God has instilled wisdom and a heart in her beyond her years. After some thought, I decided that if Ally valued those words, I should at least try to live by them. It’s a tremendous struggle for me because I have "to the moon, out of this world" expectations of myself. My son, John Paul, continually points out that my to do list is an impossibility and it would make a normal human being give up before starting. He is probably right, but I have come to some compromises over the years that I would like to share with you, just in case your unmet expectations are causing you frustration.

1. I do keep a major to do list but I have learned to view it as things I’d like to see done rather than things that have to be done in a day. I derive a great deal of pleasure from crossing things off of lists. I like that sense of accomplishment. However, now I can finish the day without finishing the list. God is gracious…He will either give me tomorrow to work on it or He will remove me from this earth and I won’t have to worry about to do lists anymore. It’s a win-win situation.

2. Some days, I make a "got done" list rather than a to do list. I simply write down everything I do in a day from quiet time to laundry to school to teaching courses to writing articles to designing curriculum to answering email to making dinner to working out to… Let me tell you, that got done list can be a joyous thing. You will sleep better at night after reading it because some days feel like nothing was accomplished and yet, that never seems to be the case.

3. I listen to those I love. When my son says things like "I just can’t be perfect", it’s a signal. He doesn’t know it, but it represents to me a time when I am clearly causing him serious frustration and my expectations should be examined. They are most likely too high. Learning to evaluate my own expectations in any given situation has allowed me great freedom…it’s allowed me to admit that I am heading in the wrong direction and need to make a change. It’s also been a celebration as I see it happening less and less.

4. I don’t compare myself to others. I have been in some situations over the last few years where other people have compared me to themselves in work ethic, priorities, etc. For some time, it really weighed me down and caused me to feel that I was just not up to par. Don’t let anyone do that to you. God created each of us uniquely and if you are listening to Him, you will know where your priorities should lie and what you should be accomplishing in this life. I spent many years of my life trying to meet other’s expectations of what they believed me to be. I am not blaming anyone else because I let it happen, but even after many years, I have finally learned from it.  God has expectations of you. Time with Him will reveal those expectations and they are the only ones with which you need to be concerned.

5. I don’t panic when it doesn’t seem to work. I could give you lists of events, deadlines, etc. that caused me to work late into the night, to neglect my family and to harm my own health because I went into panic mode. It was only later that I would see my over-reaction and the detriment of it to myself and others I love. It’s not worth it. All things happen in God’s time…as humans, we have such a limited sense of time. We are foolish when we try to take control of it.

Jesus was on the tightest schedule known to man with the greatest job ever. His to do list included his own persecution and painful death. These two facts help me start each day with the hope that my concerns and worries are in God’s hands, that my goals are in line with His will and that at the end of the day, He will be pleased with me. I pray that for each of you. God bless!

Beth

I remember when my now college student, Ally, was in 4th grade and we had just begun home schooling.  Ally and I poured over curriculum and researched so many different approaches that I felt like I was back in school!  One of the things that caught my attention early on was the idea of incorporating fine arts education into home schooling.  Even though she had come from a private school, Ally didn’t have much of a fine arts education. She loved and still loves to paint and draw (a quality she received from my mother…definitely not me!).That was about as much fine art as we had in our home.  I had been teaching about eight years at that time and never considered fine arts in the classroom because there just wasn’t any time for it. However, with the whole new world of home schooling in front of us, leaving behind bells and lines and required curriculum, I felt a tremendous sense of freedom and decided, yes, we definitely needed fine arts in our studies. 

I began to educate myself by the most sensible way I knew at that point…going to the library.  I checked out books on artists from a variety of time periods, read books about how to evaluate art, discovered the great composers and brought home hoards of materials.  Although I never had a passion for the fine arts, I have always had a passion for learning, so began my art and music education. I tried to recall my college art appreciation class and only remembered my grade for the one major paper. 

Below are the major points that I learned through that process and over the years to come concerning fine arts in our home. 

1.  Each family should define "fine arts" in their own way. Some of the great blessings of home schooling are that you can put the emphasis where you choose and you can develop your schooling program around your family’s core beliefs and values without concern about what others are doing or think. Case in point, I don’t think Andy Warhol was much of an artist.  It’s not just that I don’t like his style, I just don’t see the great art potential in his work. There’s not much there to even analyze for me. However, I really love Norman Rockwell.  His ability to catch the human spirit in expression and activity totally blows me away. I can look at his work repeatedly and find new things to enjoy every time. Crazily enough, by the world’s standards Andy Warhol is an artist and Norman Rockwell is an illustrator (basically because his most popular work was on magazine covers). Now, you may strongly disagree.  You may have Campbell Soup renditions all over your house and spend hours each day delighted by their vibrant colors and realness. Or you may find Norman Rockwell bland and unoriginal because he chose real people as his subjects and really did do his best work for The Saturday Evening Post. That’s the beauty of it. Determining which art is fine for your family is your decision.

2. Just because they’re naked doesn’t mean they’re art. Artists have painted the human body in a variety of ways and sculpted them in even more variations. If nudity determines artistic credence, then you can find plenty of fine art in convenience store magazine racks. There is a major difference, although I have met "artists" who don’t agree, between admiring God’s handiwork in the beautiful creation of the human body and simply painting nude people because others will look at them.

3. Just because they’re naked doesn’t mean they’re not art. I am not legalistic about the presentation of the human body. I did not have a problem explaining Michelangelo’s David to my children. However, there have definitely been graphic paintings and provocative sculptures that I deemed inappropriate. Children are often fascinated by the human body and presenting it in a God created expression through art can be very healthy. Other presentations create pictures in their minds that are not easily removed.

4. Art and Music are excellent tools for teaching discernment. These are great areas for demonstrating the worldly vs. godly viewpoints. Art and Music with violent or graphic themes may still be considered art and music, but that does not mean they’re appropriate for a believer’s heart to embrace. Teaching our children from early on that ungodly examples exist in literature, fine art, movies etc. can only benefit them. I am amazed at how many parents allow their children to read poorly written books with negative, sometimes even anti-God themes, and rationalize it by saying "At least he’s reading". Whether we’re looking at art, listening to music, reading a book or watching a movie, none of those activities are valuable in themselves. What our mind and heart processes through the experience is the valuable component.

5. "Exposure" has not been proven a good teacher. I was a teacher when the government decided that exposing elementary age children to drugs and how those drugs affect people would prevent the children from using drugs later. The same decision was made about AIDs and safe sex. It didn’t take long to realize that simply exposing children to something isn’t quite the same as educating them.  As well, a child can be educated about many things without having to be exposed to them. Simply exposing your children to art and music, even the really good stuff, won’t necessarily do much.  Interaction and communication are better teachers.  Discussing why something is considered art or considered fine, leading your child to examine art and listen closely to music, and integrating fine arts with writing or other academic areas will all produce a higher quality of education than visiting a multitude of museums and simply showing them.

6. Go with your gut. If a work of art makes you feel uncomfortable or evokes negative emotions, go with your instincts and prayerfully consider whether it won’t cause the same emotional reaction for your child.

As parents and teachers, we have a tremendous responsibility to not only educate our children but also to train them to educate themselves. When we look at any component of their education, we want to make sure that their education has real value. Teaching or doing something because other families do or simply as a desire to instill as much knowledge as possible into our children will not produce the best results. As you decide what components are incorporated in your child’s education, don’t overlook the arts. However, remember that a Christ centered education means that all aspects of study relate back to God and His will.

If you’d like to view some fine arts options online, check out Epi Kardia’s resource links where you can visit The Louvre, take a virtual tour through the National Gallery of Art and more!  Just go to www.epikardia.com/links.htm .