Frustration is often defined as unmet expectations. A pretty practical definition, I think. For my personality, it's definitely an accurate definition. Whether it's my children, my colleagues, my family or myself, I get very frustrated when I expect something to work out and it doesn't.  My children will never forget the multitude of plans and schedules that I have produced believing that those tools will be the answers to elminating my frustration. Well, it has taken me more years than I care to admit to come to the realization that my expectations cause more frustration than anything or anyone else.

When Ally was in high school, around the end of her sophomore year, she developed this habit of writing down quotations that inspired her onto notecards and sticking the notecards on memo boards all around her bedroom. I would occasionally tour her room (when I could wade throught the piles of clothing and books) and read her current finds. Most often she gave credit for the quotations on the card and many incredible names appeared over the years, from great authors to theologians, to missionaries. One day I noticed a quotation without any name credited. It read something like "The goal is not perfection, but it's the striving that counts."  I don't even remember it verbatim, but at the time, I thought it held some wisdom. Ally wasn't home at that moment, but I carried those words with me for a week or so, thinking about my own challenges as an overachiever. I had always been an overachiever, even as a young child. My goal was to please my parents and "A"s did it most of the time. My mother also loved to see me receive awards and appear in the newspaper, although she never really had to push me. I was born striving to please, I believe. Nevertheless, a week or so after seeing the quotation, I asked Ally one day where she had found it, and to my total astonishment, she responded with a chuckle, "Mom, you said that to me."

Major epiphany moment there! I don't know which surprised me more, that those words came out of my mouth or that Ally heard them! I am still often surprised at the importance that my children place on my words (now, that's another whole blog topic in itself). I do have a great deal of respect for my daughter. I believe God has instilled wisdom and a heart in her beyond her years. After some thought, I decided that if Ally valued those words, I should at least try to live by them. It's a tremendous struggle for me because I have "to the moon, out of this world" expectations of myself. My son, John Paul, continually points out that my to do list is an impossibility and it would make a normal human being give up before starting. He is probably right, but I have come to some compromises over the years that I would like to share with you, just in case your unmet expectations are causing you frustration.

1. I do keep a major to do list but I have learned to view it as things I'd like to see done rather than things that have to be done in a day. I derive a great deal of pleasure from crossing things off of lists. I like that sense of accomplishment. However, now I can finish the day without finishing the list. God is gracious…He will either give me tomorrow to work on it or He will remove me from this earth and I won't have to worry about to do lists anymore. It's a win-win situation.

2. Some days, I make a "got done" list rather than a to do list. I simply write down everything I do in a day from quiet time to laundry to school to teaching courses to writing articles to designing curriculum to answering email to making dinner to working out to… Let me tell you, that got done list can be a joyous thing. You will sleep better at night after reading it because some days feel like nothing was accomplished and yet, that never seems to be the case.

3. I listen to those I love. When my son says things like "I just can't be perfect", it's a signal. He doesn't know it, but it represents to me a time when I am clearly causing him serious frustration and my expectations should be examined. They are most likely too high. Learning to evaluate my own expectations in any given situation has allowed me great freedom…it's allowed me to admit that I am heading in the wrong direction and need to make a change. It's also been a celebration as I see it happening less and less.

4. I don't compare myself to others. I have been in some situations over the last few years where other people have compared me to themselves in work ethic, priorities, etc. For some time, it really weighed me down and caused me to feel that I was just not up to par. Don't let anyone do that to you. God created each of us uniquely and if you are listening to Him, you will know where your priorities should lie and what you should be accomplishing in this life. I spent many years of my life trying to meet other's expectations of what they believed me to be. I am not blaming anyone else because I let it happen, but even after many years, I have finally learned from it.  God has expectations of you. Time with Him will reveal those expectations and they are the only ones with which you need to be concerned.

5. I don't panic when it doesn't seem to work. I could give you lists of events, deadlines, etc. that caused me to work late into the night, to neglect my family and to harm my own health because I went into panic mode. It was only later that I would see my over-reaction and the detriment of it to myself and others I love. It's not worth it. All things happen in God's time…as humans, we have such a limited sense of time. We are foolish when we try to take control of it.

Jesus was on the tightest schedule known to man with the greatest job ever. His to do list included his own persecution and painful death. These two facts help me start each day with the hope that my concerns and worries are in God's hands, that my goals are in line with His will and that at the end of the day, He will be pleased with me. I pray that for each of you. God bless!

Beth